


blessings wait for you

by peachgloss



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Homophobia, M/M, anime club kevin, its not mentioned but jyp is the dad, soundcloud rapper jisung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachgloss/pseuds/peachgloss
Summary: jeongin mails jisung's letters.





	blessings wait for you

**Author's Note:**

> for [saintie~](https://www.twitter.com/hyn_jin) happy birthday! this was supposed to be a oneshot but it kinda got away from me so... the rest is coming soon i promise T___T  
> title from 3racha for you and stray kids mixtape #3

Jisung knows something is up when Jeongin quietly eats his dinner without trying to slip the bits he doesn’t like onto his older brother’s plate. He isn’t complaining about the reprieve from the onslaught of half-nibbled bones and various spices, but he’s pretty sure something worse is coming.

“Don’t be mad, please,” Jeongin says after they’ve cleaned up in near-silence, lip jutting out as he toes the ground with one foot nervously. Jisung wants to coo at how cute his little brother is, but he knows when Jeongin is purposefully being cute to get out of punishments. He swivels around in his chair fully, pinching the bridge of his nose and exhaling slowly.

“What did you do now?” Jisung asks, before seeing the little hatbox clenched in his brother’s hands. “Why do you have my—”

Jeongin yelps in fear, backing up and holding the box in front of his face to protect himself. “I said please don’t get mad!” he squeaks, looking ready to bolt.

“What,” Jisung repeats dangerously, advancing on the other boy slowly, “did you do.”

“I might have sent your love letters but I swear I didn’t mean to you just looked so lonely and I wanted you to be happy because they sounded so sad and I knew you’d never confess on your own,” Jeongin says, all in one breath, then cringes like he’s waiting to be hit.

Jisung takes a second to process that. He smiles slowly. Jeongin runs.

“Han Jisung!” Chan yells from the stairs, his face coming into view as Jisung tries his best to choke the life out of his little brother. “Stop strangling Jeongin and help me pack before I leave again,” he demands, waving the pair of jeans in his hands as emphasis.

“You don’t even need help,” Jisung grumbles, but reluctantly releases Jeongin (who shoots a starry-eyed look at his savior before running off to the living room) and follows his older brother into their shared room.

“I can’t wait for you to leave,” he says cheerfully as he folds Chan’s favorite button-down carefully so it won’t crease. “It’ll be so peaceful without you staying up until five a.m. in here.”

Chan’s eyebrows crease, and he looks genuinely regretful. “Sorry,” he says guiltily. “I didn’t mean to keep you up, it’s just that—”

Jisung rolls his eyes, leaning over to punch the other playfully in the shoulder. “I wasn’t seriously, complaining,” he says without heat. “I know, you’re a big shot producer and you’re swamped with work. Remember us when you’re famous.”

He sees Chan’s expression soften in a terribly familiar way and tries to dive out of the way of his tackle-hug. “Ow! Stop it, hyung, let me go!”

“My baby brother is so cute,” Chan coos from where he’s wrestled Jisung pretty much into submission, making exaggerated kissy noises and laughing at the other’s misery. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t miss you at all,” Jisung complains, successfully flailing an arm out and trying his best to push his brother off. “Please leave, don’t you have homework to do or something you’ve been procrastinating before school starts again?”

Jeongin pokes his head into the room cautiously. “Is it bully Jisung hyung time?” he wonders, already picking his way through the mess of clothes on the floor to sit on the bed.

“No!” Jisung yells, voice muffled by Chan’s stomach. “Aren’t we supposed to be packing?”

“Packing can wait—I’m not leaving until next weekend, anyway,” Chan says patiently. “Now, will you two explain to me why you were fighting earlier?” He reaches out a hand to snag Jeongin’s sleeve before he can make his escape.

Jisung, animated by outrage, manages to fight his way to a sitting position. “This brat mailed my love letters,” he accuses, lower lip jutting out into a pout.

Chan should be used to his brothers’ antics by now, but somehow this still manages to take him aback. “Why do you have  _ love letters _ ?” he demands. “Who are you writing them to? Do you and I need to have a talk?”

“I don’t have them anymore,” Jisung mutters mutinously. “They’re all from a super long time ago, and I got over the crushes a long time ago. I only kept them because—”

“Because he subconsciously wanted them to be sent,” Jeongin cuts him off quickly. “Hyung, they were even stamped and addressed, so you can’t really blame me for sending them.”

Jisung makes an inarticulate sound of rage and launches himself at his younger brother, only to be blocked by Chan’s arm. “It’ll be fine,” the older boy says, pulling Jisung into a comforting hug. “Jeongin, we’ll talk about invasions of privacy and asking permission later.”

“Okay,” Jeongin mumbles, fiddling with the hem of his sweatshirt. “I’m sorry, Jisung hyung.”

His voice is so quiet and genuinely remorseful Jisung immediately deflates, slumping into Chan’s shoulder. He’s never been good at holding grudges, especially against his siblings. “What am I supposed to do?” he wonders. “Chan hyung, one of them was addressed to your  _ ex boyfriend _ .”

Chan’s entire body stiffens underneath him, and Jisung pulls back to look his brother in the eye. “I had a crush on Minho hyung when we first met him,” he confesses. “It’s gone, and has been since before you started dating, I promise.”

“I believe you, Jisungie,” Chan says, blowing out a puff of air that ruffles Jisung’s bangs. “It’ll be fine—just explain to him what happened.”

The doorbell rings.

Jeongin runs to the window and peeks out into the front yard. “It’s Minho hyung,” he announces unceremoniously.

“He got the letter already?” Jisung yelps, launching himself out of Chan’s lap to join Jeongin at the window. “Did you go around putting them in people’s mailboxes or something?”

Jeongin clears his throat nervously. “I, uh, might have mailed them a couple days ago and forgot about it? So the timing seems about accurate.”

“We will be discussing this later,” Jisung says firmly, bending down to look his little brother in the eye. In the next second, he’s running across the house to the window he knows overlooks the cherry tree in their backyard.

“Jisung—what?” Chan’s faint voice sounds from behind him, but Jisung doesn’t stop.

“Have fun dealing with Minho hyung,” he calls, already climbing out the window. From there, it’s easy to make the short jump into the tree and climb down to the ground. He’s pretty sure he hears Chan and Minho awkwardly exchanging greetings, but doesn’t pay them any mind. Instead, he runs to the garage, grabs his bike, and pedals off.

One thing Jisung’s crushes all have in common is that they don’t tend to work out well.

The first person he ever liked was Minho, the cool older boy next door who’d known exactly how to bandage Jisung’s knee when he fell off his bike. Minho had wet a cloth, wiped the scrape carefully, and put the band-aid on with a gentle pat. Jisung had been pretty sure he was in love.

That had faded pretty much as soon as he entered elementary school and realized there were other fish in the sea, though the fact that Chan and Minho had started dating and were sickly in love may have played a part in that.

That first crush was the only one Jisung thought would ever become reality—the rest all came after he’d matured enough to realize that the boys he tended to like didn’t tend to like... well, boys. Though Jisung’s family is accepting and open, unconditionally supportive, he knows not everyone is that lucky, so he doesn’t really blame his classmates for the innocent comments they make that hurt worse than any targeted harassment would.

“Isn’t it weird, having your brother date another boy?” Chaeyoung asks one day, peering inquisitively at Jisung’s face. He smiles awkwardly and doesn’t respond, trying to focus on the essay he’s writing the period before it’s due. Chaeyoung isn’t satisfied, though, and pokes him in the side as he’s waiting for an answer.

“Hey,” someone says from behind them, and Chaeyoung looks up, face lighting up.

“Hyunjin!” she chirps, beaming. “What are you doing here?”

“Isn’t that a little personal of a question?” Hyunjin asks, brows furrowed. “Why does it matter if his brother is gay?”

Jisung can hear the whispers starting already. Hyunjin is the most popular boy in school—the star lacrosse player who still manages to keep his grades among the highest in his class and always spares a smile for the people who crowd around him like he’s magnetic. He’s not exactly sure why someone like Hyunjin, who’s never even glanced in his direction, would be not-quite defending him now, but Jisung isn’t complaining.

Chaeyoung flushes a pretty pink. “Isn’t it a little strange?” she asks hesitantly. “I mean, it might be because I’ve never seen anything like it in real life, but my parents always say—”

“I don’t think it’s strange at all,” Hyunjin says firmly, and Jisung blinks in surprise. That’s more direct than he’d ever expected one of the “in squad” to be, and the people around him are equally taken aback. “Good luck on that essay,” Hyunjin continues, clapping Jisung on the shoulder. “I hear he’s grading it harshly this time.”

He leaves just as abruptly as he’d arrived, and Jisung stares after him for a few seconds before realizing there are only ten minutes left of lunch left and hurrying to reread his paper, all thoughts of Hyunjin gone from his head.

Later that night, though, Jisung finds his thoughts going back to the look in the other boy’s eyes when he’d defended Chan, the way he’d looked a little wistful, like he wished someone else would do the same for him. He resolves to find Hyunjin at school the next day and thank him properly.

Unfortunately, Hyunjin always seems to be surrounded by a group of people, and Jisung can’t work up the nerve to approach him when he’s not alone. So he settles for subtly observing him, the way his smile lights up any room he’s in, the way his laugh only sometimes makes his eyes crinkle.

That crush lasts for a long time, even though he knows it’s hopeless. Hyunjin and Chaeyoung start dating, and everyone thinks they’re the one couple that will survive high school together. Far be it from Jisung to get in the way of a perfect couple.

Jisung’s next crush comes a year later, an adequate amount of time to get over Hyunjin. This one is equally doomed, but for different reasons—Kevin Moon is the most heterosexual person to ever exist. He’s not aggressive about it, like the excessively macho football players who probably have repressed bisexual tendencies. No, Kevin is just completely oblivious.

Case in point: they’re huddled together at lunch around Kevin’s phone, waiting for the latest episode of Naruto to come out. Though their faces are barely inches apart, and all it would take for their lips to brush is a turn of the head, Kevin seems entirely unaffected.

“I think I went to the wrong site,” he mumbles, and Jisung shivers at the feeling of the other’s breath on his cheek. Kevin looks at him in concern.

“Bro, are you okay?” he wonders, reaching out a hand to feel Jisung’s forehead. “You’re a little warm.”

Jisung’s face must be flaming red. All he can do is wave his hands in front of his face, trying not to appear too panicked. “I’m fine,” he stutters, jerking away from the other boy quickly. “I’m just super excited to watch this next episode.”

“If you say so,” Kevin says, unconvinced. He tries to lean even further in to press their foreheads together, but Jisung manages to deflect him back to his phone in time by changing the topic to the last week’s developments.

His crush on Kevin is humiliating, especially considering that Jisung isn’t the most subtle person in the world. Their entire friend group knows  _ but _ Kevin, and Jisung frequently has to pinch people in the thighs when they get too open about it and risk letting him in on it.

Then again, Kevin is so dumb he probably wouldn’t get anything less than an outright confession from Jisung himself, so he’s pretty sure he’s good there.

The last of Jisung’s doomed crushes is a boy he knows he’ll never see again. They meet in the Model U.N. club he’d been forced to join by his dad.

“Follow my SoundCloud,” Changbin says, as part of his self-introduction. While most of the club dismisses him as another teenager who’ll give up on his rap career in a matter of weeks or months, Jisung searches him up out of boredom one night and listens to his entire tracklist in the span of two hours.

“Would you be interested in collaborating with me?” Jisung blurts as soon as Changbin walks into the room the next day. His own SoundCloud is a mix of remixes he’s made of his favorite artists and his own amateurish tracks. He’s pretty sure Changbin won’t be impressed, especially considering the quality of the other boy’s music, but it’s worth a shot anyway.

Surprisingly enough, Changbin ends up agreeing, and they produce four tracks over the next two weeks. Jisung has never felt more creative in his life—it’s like working with Changbin, who is eons better than him, pushes him to write better lyrics, to work past the common cliches and find a better flow.

As good things never last, Changbin moves away the summer of that year. They exchange numbers, promise to keep working on tracks together, but time and distance are hard on any relationship, and they soon fall out of touch.

Jisung hadn’t meant to keep the letters. He’d written each one in a fit of impulsiveness, going so far as to address and stamp them before his natural impulse controls set in. After rereading them, he’d been too embarrassed to throw them away for fear someone in his family would see them in the recycling and be curious enough to sneak a peek.

In any case, he’d never meant for them to be sent out—the letters were never supposed to be anything more than a vent for his emotions, to help him get over the crushes more quickly.

If Jeongin’s smart, he’ll go with Chan to college before Jisung gets back home.

School the next day is absolute torture. Kevin greets him at his locker with a worried, “You know I’m straight, right?”

“Oh my god,” Jisung groans, shoving his face into his hands. “I’m so sorry you had to read that, I swear I don’t have a crush on you anymore.”

“Wait, so it’s not a prank?” Kevin wonders, eyes wide. “How didn’t I notice you liked me?”

JIsung rolls his eyes. “You’re the most oblivious person I’ve ever met,” he says matter-of-factly. “Sorry about this,” he adds sheepishly. “I got over it a while ago, but my little brother sent the letters I wrote to my crushes out a few days ago.”

Kevin’s eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa, that sucks,” he says sympathetically. “I didn’t even know you were gay, man. You always seemed pretty straight to me.”

“He really does not,” Seungmin says, coming up behind them and swinging an arm over Jisung’s shoulders. “You’re just  _ super _ oblivious. Jisungie could probably kiss another boy in front of you and you’d still think he’s straight if he said no homo afterwards.”

Jisung is only half paying attention as Kevin protests that he isn’t that dumb, because he thinks he can see Minho making his way through the crowd of people in the hallway. Another second of panicked observation and he can make out the person’s face clearly—it definitely is Minho, looking determined and walking straight towards Jisung’s locker.

“Oh shit,” he whispers, poking Seungmin in the side and pointedly looking in Minho’s direction. His best friend looks over and can clearly see the panic in Jisung’s face, because he gives him a look that screams  _ get out of here _ .

“Sorry, Kevin,” Jisung says in a rush, “I have to go to class, don’t want to be late to calc on the first day back from break, right?” He’s gone in a matter of seconds, practically running to his first period class.

Which he coincidentally has with Hyunjin. The universe is probably conspiring against him.

Somehow, he ignores the stare piercing into the back of his head for an entire hour. It’s probably the most attention he’s paid to Mr. Kim in his life, and he’s practically bursting with knowledge about how to calculate the derivative of a parametric equation by the time the bell rings.

Hyunjin starts to call out his name amid the general clamor of everyone shoving their materials into their bags as quickly as possible, but Jisung is out of that class before he can even get out the first syllable. Avoiding his problems is definitely not a long-term solution, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try it for as long as possible.

Thankfully, the rest of his classes go by uneventfully until gym. He’s almost tempted to skip, but Seungmin has that period with him, and he’ll kill him if Jisung leaves him to suffer through their volleyball unit alone.

So he goes, albeit reluctantly, and spends the period pretending to play with the rest of the slackers in their class while complaining to Seungmin about Jeongin. They’re playing outside today, which means he has to periodically duck out of sight of either Minho or Hyunjin as they walk outside for lunch, but that’s a small price to pay for the companionship of his friend.

That’s what he tells himself, at least, as he hides behind a bush for the third time in less than an hour, waiting for Seungmin to give him the all clear.

“What are you doing behind there?” someone asks from behind him, and Jisung jumps about a food in the air. He whips around to find Hyunjin, of all people, staring down at him curiously. Inconveniently, Minho chooses that moment to come out of the school.

“Get down!” Jisung hisses, tugging on Hyunjin’s sleeve until he bemusedly crouches down next to him. “I’m hiding,” he explains curtly, peering through the leaves to see if Minho has left.

“From  _ who _ ?” Hyunjin wonders. He follows Jisung’s gaze and makes a noise of surprise. “Minho hyung? I thought you were close.”

“We are,” Jisung says, a little distracted by making sure Minho is out of sight. As soon as he is, he stands up, brushing the dirt off his pants, and offers a hand to Hyunjin. “Things are just a little awkward between us right now,” he says with a nonchalant shrug.

“I see,” Hyunjin says doubtfully, accepting the offered hand. “Does that have anything to do with why you’ve been avoiding me?”

All at once, Jisung realizes Hyunjin is, in fact, a recipient of one of the love letters. Mentally cursing Seungmin for not keeping an eye out, he coughs awkwardly and turns around to leave. “Absolutely not,” he says over his shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to class.”

He’s stopped by Hyunjin grabbing his hand. “Hey,” the other boy says softly. “I’ve rejected people before, you know. I promise I’ll be nice. Let’s just talk this out.”

“I don’t have a crush on you!” Jisung says, probably louder than he needs to. “I wrote that letter a really long time ago, and it was an accident it was ever sent. Please ignore it.”

Hyunjin blinks slowly. Jisung tries to ignore how the sweep of his long eyelashes makes his heart beat a little faster and extricates his hand from Hyunjin’s grip. “I actually need to go to gym now, my teammates are probably waiting for me,” he says, and turns around again. Hyunjin doesn’t stop him this time.

“Did you finally explain what’s going on to him?” Seungmin asks when Jisung rejoins him on the field. Their teammates look rather confused but reasonably accepting of Jisung’s bullshit after an entire year of he and Seungmin half-assing gym.

“Kind of,” Jisung says, grimacing. “It’ll probably be horrifically awkward between us, but at least that just leaves Minho hyung.”

“And Chan hyung already explained it to him!” Seungmin says, optimistic as always. “That conversation will probably be short, too.”

Jisung isn’t so sure about that, but he lets it go in favor of pretending like their team is actually playing when Coach Lee comes over.

The rest of the day goes smoothly, but Jisung knows better than to let his guard down yet. He doesn’t fully relax until he’s safely laid face down on the carpet, fearful of a sudden ambush from Minho on the way home. He knows he can’t avoid talking with him forever, especially once Chan stops running interference for him, but he sure as hell can procrastinate that conversation as long as possible.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Jisung manages to sit up enough to shoot a glare at his younger brother. “Get out,” he complains half-heartedly, flapping a hand at the doorway. “This is all your fault, anyway.”

“I already said I’m sorry,” Jeongin whines, ignoring Jisung and coming to lie on his stomach next to him, teeth worrying his lip. “Was school really that bad? I can help explain to Minho hyung if you need me to,” he offers guiltily.

Jisung heaves a put-upon sigh. “You’re just too cute,” he says, ignoring the alarmed look on Jeongin’s face and reaching out an arm to pull him in for cuddles anyway. It’s a testament to how bad Jeongin feels that he doesn’t even make a token protest this time, only groans in annoyance and goes limp.

“Cuddle with hyung a while,” Jisung says. “That’ll be your payback.” Jeongin doesn’t complain, probably because he knows he’s getting off easy. They both know he secretly enjoys the cuddles anyway, only protesting because he feels they destroy his dignity.

Eventually, Chan comes in and joins them, and it somehow turns into a pillow fight. This is one of the things Jisung will miss most when Chan goes back to Australia for school. The house always feels so empty after he leaves. It’s built for four, not three, and Jisung is reminded of that every day his older brother is gone. His absence makes itself known in the little things—the way their dad will make four servings of dinner by accident and Jisung and Jeongin will have to bring the leftovers for lunch the next day, the way no one wants to take laundry duty, which is Chan’s favorite chore.

The way Jisung won’t be able to call Chan into his room for advice when he picks up his phone and sees two new texts.

**unknown:** hey, this is hwang hyunjin. i got your number from kevin, i hope you don’t mind

**unknown:** would you be free to talk after school tomorrow? i need you to do me a favor.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/izcned) // [curious cat](https://www.curiouscat.me/elixirs)


End file.
